WELCOME 2 ED GARCIA CONDE'S CAMPAIGN FOR BRONX BOROUGH PRESIDENT

Ed García Conde apparently has political ambitions. He recently took to Facebook to publicly announce that he is "considering" a run for Bronx Borough President in 2017. 

Conde kicks off his quixotic quasi-campaign in six sentences (the majority of which are run-ons) and 177-words (73 percent of which are monosyllabic):

I never consider running for office ever. I mean it has crossed my mind but never seriously but the crap that's going on in our borough right now makes me seriously considering running for borough president just because The Bronx deserves and demands better and although I may not be better I do know I won't ever sell my borough to the highest bidder and I'd make sure no one was left out from the table.

No closed door meetings and dealings, full transparency as well as demanding investigations into our crooked political system and organizations that take tax payers dollars and abuse them.

I won't promise to fix everything since that's not realistic but I'll make sure the best minds of our borough and everyone from all walks of life and socioeconomic levels are there by my side to guide me to do the right things that the community needs.

Never thought I'd say such things and feel them deep in my heart and soul but it feels right.

Our interests aren't being met or considered.

It's a fair bet that Conde's promise to "make sure no one was left out from the table" doesn't include anyone who thinks Bronx residents will benefit from Fresh Direct building a distribution center in an area of the South Bronx zoned for industrial use.

Nonetheless, may I suggest that to "make sure the best minds of our borough...are there by my side to guide me to do the right things" one of those geniuses knows how to write and edit grammatically proper prose.

Here is a lightly copy-edited version of Conde's announcement, with corrected grammar, punctuation and verb tense inconsistency (for the most part, I left the run-on sentences alone, because I didn't want to spend more than a minute or two editing his unnecessarily wordy verbiage):

I never considered running for office, ever. I mean, it has crossed my mind, but never seriously. But the crap that's going on in our borough right now makes me seriously considering running for borough president. just because The Bronx deserves and demands better, and although I may not be better, I do know I won't ever sell my borough to the highest bidder and I'd make sure no one was left out from the table.

No closed door meetings and dealings, full transparency, as well as demanding investigations into our crooked political system and organizations that take taxpayer’s dollars and abuse them.

I won't promise to fix everything, since that's not realistic, but I'll make sure the best minds of our borough and everyone from all walks of life and socioeconomic levels are there by my side to guide me to do the right things that the community needs.

Never thought I'd say such things, and feel them deep in my heart and soul, but it feels right.

Our interests aren't being met or considered.

This is a freebie, Conde. You're welcome.

Given my past dealings with him, I know that Conde will "ask kindly" for your vote, but is prepared to use "other means" to extort, um, exhort you to pull the lever for him on Election Day.

YET ANOTHER BRONX LOGO THAT "LOOKS LIKE" ED GARCIA CONDE'S

This logo for Bronx BBQ Pit Gastropub not only includes concentric circles, but also the word "Bronx" -- the bogus basis on which Ed Garcia Conde demanded that I cease and desist using my parody of hipster logos on my Tumblr blog and social media pages.

I wonder if he will contact the owners of this new gastropub on Twitter to "ask kindly" that they change their logo, and will then threaten to sic his "attorneys" on them when they refuse.

HOW THE "BROKEN WINDOWS" THEORY OF POLICING APPLIES TO THUGGISH BEHAVIOR ON SOCIAL MEDIA

While researching something on Google, I came across a rewrite of the Daily News article in which Ed Garcia Conde made defamatory comments about me on TheDomains.com, a Florida-based industry news site that publishes "content created by domain name experts."

One commenter nicely sums up Conde's irrational over-reaction to my legal purchase of the two .nyc domain names he coveted:

“[T]his is the ultimate act of aggression?” I can think of a few acts more ultimate than registering a domain.

Conde is as utterly un-self-aware as a person can be, and seems unable to gauge how his words and actions will be judged by rational people. Those who adjudicate domain name disputes via the ICANN arbitration process, for instance.  

Or a judge and jury considering the merits of a defamation suit. 

Or people who take issue with online harassment, bullying and threats of violence. 

An op-ed in today's New York Times likens online thuggishness to the "Broken Windows" theory of policing:

"Introduced by the social scientists James Q. Wilson and George L. Kelling, Broken Windows posits that, once a building has a broken window, the entire neighborhood is prone to vandalism and crime. Why? Because a broken window is more than shattered glass: It is a symbol of indifference toward other people’s property and of lack of care and control. The signal the broken window sends is: You can do damage without being held responsible.

"A generation later, there’s some evidence online that Broken Windows applies to people, too. What starts with one mean tweet or Facebook post can quickly turn into a bullying campaign, and even go offline.  ... The consequences are just as dangerous for civil society, political culture and the credibility of the media as the broken windows were in Professors Wilson and Kelling’s theory of city infrastructure."

Twitter, Facebook and other social media sites have shirked their responsibility to create anti-abuse algorithms that can identify users who bully, harass or threaten others and to establish effective policies to ban them. For this reason, author Jochen Bittner, a political editor for the weekly newspaper Die Zeit, proposes that lawmakers must consider "a zero-tolerance strategy, of the sort Mr. Giuliani pursued in New York" and pass laws that "require social-media companies to crack down on abusive behavior, or face penalties."

ED GARCIA CONDE NEEDS TO MOBILIZE HIS TEAM OF COPYRIGHT ATTORNEYS RIGHT AWAY!

Bronx Ambassador Baron Ambrosia—who took Anthony Bourdain on a culinary tour of our borough for his CNN show "Parts Unknown" last October—posted an interesting image to his Facebook timeline today: The Official Bronx Pipe Smoking Society logo, designed by Jason Engdahl:

And just a few hours later, this sponsored ad from Fiverr—an electronic marketplace for freelancers, such as graphic artists who design logos, and people who need the services they provide—popped up in my Facebook newsfeed:

Both X-logos are much more similar to Ed Conde Garcia's logo than my parody of X-logos—and Engdahl's logo even references "The Bronx," which Garcia had a particular objection to in my parody design. As the self-anointed "Google of The Bronx," Garcia appears to believe that he owns the word "Bronx."

Although an intellectual property attorney advised Garcia that my parody was not "substantially similar" to his "Welcome 2 The Bronx" logo, he threatened me with legal action, made defamatory accusations against me on Facebook and in the New York Daily News and promised to settle the matter "by other means"—by which he meant inciting his friends and followers to make similar accusations and to threaten me with bodily harm.

Garcia's (imaginary) team of lawyers are going to be very busy sending Engdahl and graphic artists on Fiverr who design X-logos (imaginary) C&D letters. You've really stepped in it now, guys! 

PS: Being a mischievous sort, I "Liked" both Baron Ambrosia's post and Fiverr's page on Facebook.